Voice Mail

Is it just me, or is it getting harder and harder to get real information or talk to real people on the phone these days? It seems that no matter what company I call, to ask a question about a bill for instance, the phone is always answered by the same recording of the same pleasant lady with the same exhaustive recorded greeting. As for me, I’m already exhausted from trying to decipher a bill with 26 pages of charges, surcharges, additional charges, access charges, excise charges, excise taxes, state taxes, federal taxes, and processing fees (but that’s another story).

In any case, the pleasant lady must always begin by informing me to “please listen carefully as our menu has recently changed.” Really? Nearly every company in the world just changed their menu? What a remarkable coincidence! And do I need to know this anyway? I have no idea what the menu used to be, so I probably wouldn’t have been confused.

None the less, having been duly warned, I listen carefully as the pleasant lady continues her recorded greeting and begins relating the comprehensive list of number options from which I can make my selection. In great detail, I learn how to receive automated answers to every question imaginable, except mine. Being incredibly naive, I patiently wait for the correct number option to speak to a real person. Of course, there is no such number option. Or perhaps I just missed it. (I have no excuse, I was specifically instructed to listen carefully). Fortunately, I can listen to the menu again by pressing number option one.

Should I foolishly decide instead, to select a number option for an automated answer, I must first enter or say my 8 or 12 or 16 digit account number. Whether I enter or say it, all 16 digits will be read back to me so I can enter or say “one” if the number is correct. Heaven help me if I must enter or say “two” because the number is incorrect. I find this requirement to enter the account number interesting because in the rare instance when I actually reached a real person, the first thing they always say is, “may I please have your account number?”

The second thing they invariably say is “I’m sorry, you’ve reached the wrong department. You need to call…..”