I like my new smart phone. I used to love my new smart phone, but lately it’s been causing me a modicum of unneeded stress. That is to say, stress I don’t need right now, though I can’t remember needing stress right then, or ever, for that matter. I remember having stress often and wishing I didn’t, but I can’t say I ever remember not having stress and wishing I did: except, perhaps, for that brief moment when I thought I wanted to be a writer and bemoaned the fact that nothing had ever happened to me worth writing about. Of course, that was before the accident, the incident, the divorce, the untimely death, the other accident, the other incident, the other untimely death, the collapse of the economy, the foreclosure and the bankruptcy. Believe me, be careful what you...but I digress. The point is, my new smart phone isn’t as friendly as it used to be. And I think it’s up to something.
Take games, for example. Of the 50,000 or so games available, I selected about a dozen in the puzzles category that I thought might be fun and downloaded them. The process was deceptively simple. Within moments the games were on my phone and ready to entertain. And entertain they did, for a while. As I expected, starting puzzles were easily solved and ensuing puzzles were increasingly difficult. But I’m nothing if not clever, and I found the challenge stimulating; That is ,until I encountered, in every game without exception, the puzzle with no solution. That’s right: same format, same rules, same moves, just no way to solve. Try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and still no solution. Now I can understand if one game had a puzzle that couldn’t be solved, but every game? Something is definitely up. I know what you’re thinking, but I’m sure it’s not me; after all I am really very clever.
Then there’s the music application. Now you need to understand that my smart phone is not an iphone so itunes does not come installed on the phone, nor is it available to install. Being a Verizon customer, getting an iphone was not an option when I upgraded my service. In fact it wasn’t an option until a whole week later. My account representative neglected to mention this bit of information, but I’m sure it’s only because she wasn’t aware of it. In any case, without itunes I am obligated to download music the old-fashioned way -- steal it. Fortunately my phone had a music-stealing application available at no charge, which I quickly downloaded, followed by, not so quickly, downloading about 130 of my favorite songs. The only problem is that my phone only plays one song at a time, which is expected and good and the norm, except that my phone plays the same one song over, and over, and over, and over. I just don’t think I can ride into ”the West Texas town of EL Paso” even one more time. Something is definitely up.
Finally there’s the “notification annunciator” feature of my smart phone. Lest I fail to notice whenever I receive a call (I guess, for a smart phone, turning off the ring tone doesn’t indicate my desire not to notice), or a voice mail, or a text message, or an email, or a gmail, I am notified of the event by a “delightful” five tone chime. Imagine my delight to be “chime notified” at 3:00 a.m. that I have just recieved a gmail from someone whom I don’t know, or care to know, who accidently entered my gmail address instead of their brother’s who has a similar address but lives in a time zone where it’s actually 9:00 a.m.
Similarly I am notified of any upcoming meetings or appointments I have entered in my smart phone Calendar, at a convenient 24 hours, and 12 hours, and one hour, and 30 minutes, and 10 minutes, and five minutes before said meeting or appointment. Not that I don’t appreciate a reminder now and then - I’m nothing if not forgetful, but six reminders over a 24-hour period is a bit much even for me. Not to mention the confusion when my smart phone chimes at 3:00 a.m. and I can’t tell if it’s a voice mail, or a text message, or an email, or a gmail, or my 12-hour-before-the-meeting-or-appointment reminder. Something is definitely up.
Don’t get me wrong, I still like my new smart phone. I just don’t love it, and we don’t sleep together any more. I sleep in the bedroom. My smart phone sleeps in the detached garage.
02/23/11
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