Cruising

I’ve been cruising. I’ve been many times in a tiny car, with a few friends, along the strip, for chicks. I’ve been a few times in a big boat, with a few friends, over the ocean, for food (also for fun, but mostly for food). Never very successful at scoring the former, I’ve racked up big points (and several pounds) knocking down the latter.

But lately the discouraging economy has mandated a hiatus on my cruising, at least the boat kind. I suppose I could still cruise the strip, but these days I’m a lot older, a little heavier (okay, a lot heavier), and drive a motor scooter. I doubt that balding, portly senior citizens on motor scooters turn heads today, at least not pretty young female heads. I’m okay with that; my pretty, young-at-heart wife still finds me worth a nod now and then.

I used to enjoy cruise ship cruising. It’s like taking several vacations rolled into one: visiting fascinating places and staying in classy hotels, but without the need to keep packing and unpacking or taking planes, or taking trains, or renting cars. The food is plentiful (too plentiful), delicious, and better yet, included in the price. The service is first rate, and the people are always friendly. Cruise ships boast a variety of restaurants, cafes, lounges, cabarets, and bars. Ther’re always activities and games, and often gambling. There’s definitely no shortage of things to do and stuff to buy. Unfortunately, these days there’s a shortage of money to do it, or buy it.

But even if the economy were a bit more encouraging, what with all the incidents of late, I might still be a little reluctant to go on a cruise. I’m sure Carnival’s “Splendor” brochures talk about late-night partying in one of the ship’s “hot spots.” I doubt that many passengers realized the whole ship would be the “hot spot” and the heat would be, literally, from a fire. I doubt that many passengers would consider being adrift at sea with little lighting, no air conditioning, and no hot food, a party.

One of cruising’s many pleasures is indulging at the midnight buffet, then returning, sated, to your cabin to be gently rocked up and down, back and forth, like a happy baby in a cradle to a restful sleep. Not so pleasurable perhaps, is when your cradle suddenly catapults you across the room. When Royal Caribbean’s “Brilliance of the Seas” became “Brilliance of the Very High Seas,” I suspect that happy babies, and passengers, were few and far between. I suspect they discovered that playing a pinball game is much more fun than being in one. I doubt that the few-hundred-dollar on-board credit offered by Royal Caribbean discouraged their displeasure, there being very little left on board to buy.